Beyonce Is “Obsessed” With Over-The-Top Couture & Christian Louboutins

All Aboard the Balmain Crazy Train Of Unnecessary Extra Fabric

Pardon us in advance for the plethora of Obsessed puns that are about to follow but really, the producers were just asking for it with that pun-able title.  They could have dodged the SNL potential it is if the flick was like a really awesome updated version of Michael Douglas and Glenn Close’s epic, never-cheat-on-your-wife-or- your-psycho-lover-will-stalk-you-and-kill-your-kid’s-bunny flick.  But since Jerry O’Connell is in it, it’s pretty pretty much guaranteed to be the next the Glitter . The trailer is SO HORRIBLY BAD, we’re tempted to plunk down the $10 and change to view the cinematic calamity for ourselves and laugh our pants off.

Beyonce is so obsessed about missing out on The Oscar That Should Have Been Her’s Because Daddy Said So, she hitched her wagon to this dreck because her agent said it would really show her range.  Or some such nonsense to earn his 20% commission.  Miss B clearly bought it since she turned up on the red carpet in her usual over-the-top diva ensemble as if she’s expecting some kind of award for just showing up.  Is it a gown?  A mini dress? No, it’s the red carpet version of a skort! Which sounds like one of those anonymous movie reviews that at first read somewhat glow-y but on second glance says not much of anything:  Best comedy opening this weekend!  So to clear up any confusion lest you assume our approval: Beyonce’s has-to-be-1989-because-I-look-like-a-Whitesnake-video-vixen dress would be cute, if it actually was 1989 when bicycle shorts still counted as pants. And Tawny Kitaen was wearing it while doing splits on the hood of a fire-engine red Corvette.  Really, all that’s missing is a wind machine and random occurrences of Beyonce getting doused with water for some inexplicable reason.

Mrs. Jay-Z’s black pumps are fine but aarrgghh!, we wish TO GOD AND RACHEL ZOE she would get over her obsession (OK, we’ll stop) with matching her Loubs to her outfit.  B, nice girls don’t have to coordinate from head-to-toe anymore like Donna Reed.  We assume she’ll wear something suitable to the Razzies to get her Golden Raspberry for Best Unintentionally Hilarious Movie and Most Over-Acted Performance By An Actress With A Weave.

Black pumps, like a classic LBD, are always red carpet ready and available at ShoeCompare.com.

By ShoeMinx I’m-Not-Obsessed Fan Paige Muller