Pint-Size Designer’s Leave An Even Bigger Fashion Footprint

Tiny twosome Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have teased us for months with news of their first-ever shoe collection, a collaboration with Steve Madden.  “Design aesthetic” this.  “Style philosophy” that.  Yeah, yeah show us something, already!

Mary-Kate gave us a taste of their designs when she sported a promising prototype (try saying that three times fast) at Fashion Week.  It was cute with a hint of the unexpected, just what you’d expect from the blonde titan who regularly outfits herself like a slightly mad Himalayan Sherpa just to grab a venti latte at Starbucks.

So, behold.  Their Elizabeth and James shoe collection hit stores recently and we are . . . under-whelmed.  Objectively it’s fine.  It’s a mix of trendy and traditional silhouettes at a relatively reasonable price ($195 to $500).  Well, reasonable compared to three-digit couture, anyway.

We had high hopes for a “oooh, pretty!” inhale.  But instead of a Alexander McQueen-esque edge meets Betsey Johnson WTF-ness, the line is a bit “hmmm, where have I seen that style before?”

Take a gander:

Mary-Kate’s been spotted rocking these suede flat gladiators so they’re definitely downtown-darling approved but they’re also the newest residents of Meh-ville, in our humble opinion.

And these menswear-inspired moccasins.  MOCCASINS.  The word alone offends us, never mind what they look like.

The look are missing something: like, a slew of buckles and  zippers and cutout details.   And . . . feathers.  Yeah, that would have been AWESOME.  Or at least visually interesting.  It’s as if deciding which over-sized layer to mix and match with which bedraggled, too-long pair of pants zapped Mary-Kate and Ash of all their creative energy.

That said, some looks did catch our eye:

What size queen couldn’t use four extra inches of fabulous? We j’adore the ‘Haley’ slingback strap and the sexy arch of naked foot these reveal.

And if you’re drooling over the season’s fetish footwear look, but aren’t ready to fork over big bucks for shoes like Louboutin’s ‘Differa,  ‘Luella’ is a brilliant alternative.

Word is, the Olsens will stick with Steve Madden for another shoe collection next season.

Are over-the-knee boots on the way??

Sleek, sexy and sky-high.  Make a statement without saying a word in these BCBG slingbacks.

By ShoeMinx “Full House” Fan Paige Muller

We Fear Her Boyfriend Brian Austin Green Is Home Alone Making “Music”

With the Transformers sequel right the corner, it’s been all Megan Fox, all the time.  She’s outed herself as a bisexual, but really, who in Hollywood isn’t these days?  Being bi is the new black.  And she’s trash talked Angelina Jolie.  We’re sure Angie stays up late crying on Brad’s shoulder in distress.  Frankly, we’re weary of Megan already but then again we’re not men.

Megan gave the pimply adolescent boys at the MTV Movie Awards a thrill with acres of bare skin in a Dolce & Gabanna strapless brocade mini dress.  The dress is a shortened version of the one Beyonce wore to last year’s Oscar (which we hated!) but we’re adult-y enough to swallow the adjacent hate and admit it’s kind of cute on her.

And those shoes — Christian Louboutin Differa sandals — are slap your mama sexy.  Move those played out YSL’s to the back of the closet; they’re soooo last season.  Christian Louboutin’s Differa is getting around H’wood more than Doug Reinhardt! It’s smoking hot in every sense of the word, despite its impracticality (the heels are 140mm, or about five and a half inches), its price tag ($1,495 for the plain black patent ones), and its ability to make the wearer look like a regular at an S&M club.

But Megan’s Chernobyl day-glo orange skin and oddly slicked back hair are an epic fail.  Is she a victim of product overload like Robert Pattinson?  Are her plastic parts molting?  Dear lord, is she trying to tone down the sexy because she (gulp) wants to be taken seriously as an actress?  For the love of Restylane.  Honey, you’ve got about two, maybe three, years before things begin to sag and some new hottie starts snagging all the trophy parts so just smile, nod and make sure you have a good accountant ’cause you know Brian Austin Green will just spend all your cash on ridiculous hats.

Add a sexy edge to your look in these S&M-esque ‘Minnah’ heels from Steve Madden.  Being bad never looked so good!

By ShoeMinx Red Carpet Watcher Paige Muller

Must Have Left Her “Will Pose For Food” Sign In Her Purse

In lieu of actual talent or even a whiff of a titillating scandal, Misha Barton has been using the time during her extended hiatus from any discernible form of employment since The O.C. to mount a futile effort to pass herself off as some sort of fashion icon, like the long-lost love child of a petri dish rendezvous between Nicole Richie and the Olsen twins with an accidental DNA dose of Agyness Dyn.

There was her Woodland nymph period were she was some kind of foot soldier in the Headband Army that’s led by General Blair Waldorf and Brigadier General Aubrey O’Day, with an assist from Colonel Paris Hilton.  And of course who can forget her Annie Hall meets Ellen DeGeneres stage in baggy pants and bowler hats.  As if an outfit switcheroo will land her a Shakespearean script instead of a part as Blonde Girl #3.  Her latest look is brought to you courtesy of M.C. Hammer and his country crossover hit, “Please, Hammer, Don’t Let Your Baby Grow Up To Wear Fugly Flannel.”

However, those Louis Vuitton shoes are in a totally different category of crazy. Oh, Misha. It’s nice to see you go out and do that voodoo that you do so well.  We suspect she puts them on and prays everyday that the CW pilot for The Beautiful Life gets picked up so she can stop making up blog posts about her life. Hmmm, maybe we should get a pair of LVs and start praying for the same thing, too. Or better yet that she just fades into obscurity.

Get the look of this season’s tribal trend in these Sam Edelman “Malik” heels and walk on the wild side. Roooar!

By ShoeMinx Shoe Shaman Paige Muller